#SundayDONEDAY. Gospel Preaching 101

I see so many gospel presentations today. You need to read around to keep it fresh in your own ministry. I know that the gospel is really only “instruction on how to get to heaven” and you really don’t need the gospel after you get saved, but I mean, come on, we all know that 79% of Baptist Preachers think that at least 50% of their congregations are unsaved, right? There’s still a place for the gospel presentation in every ministry.

One thing is obvious from all of these young, green, wet-behind-the-ears little boy preachers is they fail to do the basic things that lead to a good gospel presentation. I’ve decided to give up some of my time-tested secrets to turn up the volume a notch during your sermon this week:

Tips for Preaching the Gospel

  • Depend on the ladies’ ministry to let you know what’s happening in everyone’s lives so you can tailor fit your gospel presentation. Don’t worry, it’s not gossip if it ends with the gospel.
  • Make sure you set the stage, get the sad songs to play before the message so they are all prepped and ready to weep.
  • Do you have one of those people that always comes forward? Make sure to put them in the back of the church so everyone sees them come forward at the end.
  • Don’t for get to annotate the times during the sermon where you need to cry – it’s just embarrassing when you should have, but didn’t.
  • Mephibosheth: the lame man eating at the table of the King (2 Samuel 9) is a great passage to use unless you are in a hospital or nursing home.
  • Bring up how much time people don’t spend with their kids if they have them. For the singles, throw in some “you don’t appreciate your parents.”
  • When all else fails, “Just as I am” is the fallback. Play it until people start coming forward, when they realize that the restaurants are going to be busy by the time they get there, they’ll cave, just you wait and see…

So these are tips that are guaranteed to bring 27% more people to the altar, and reduces the repetitions of “Just As I Am” by over 79%! Use them this Sunday, your offering plate will thank me later.

On the 2016 Olympics

I don’t watch them, and here’s why:

  • Leotards incite raging lust in our young men.
  • Shorts end far above the knee.
  • The over-glorification of butt cheeks during the gymnastics round.
  • Israel is disrespected and no one takes a stand.

But perhaps the biggest reason why I don’t and won’t watch the olympics – and I implore any self-respecting Biblical christian to examine himself on this issue – the athletes compete on the Lord’s day.

Where culottes abound and there is no clapping in the prayer room.